


fire burning bright

by orphan_account



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Anxiety, Letters, M/M, Mai is a great friend, Male-Female Friendship, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Canon, Zuko has anxiety, amicable break ups, disregards the comcics, i cant believe that's NOT a tag, kinda rlly dramatic oops, nobody deserves her tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11112969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the 100-year war ends Sokka decides to go traveling; he and Zuko stay in touch.





	fire burning bright

Zuko says goodbye to Sokka privately, after all of the farewell party guests have left, and their friends are laughing and joking in the palace gardens. They’re standing on the palace’s front steps and Zuko is tugging awkwardly at his official fire lord robes —he’s grown unaccustomed to their heaviness during his years abroad, and frankly, he finds them unnecessary and stifling. He sighs quietly, and looks up from where he’s been studying the ground intently, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.  _ Better get on with it, _ he thinks grimly. “Well—” he starts, unsure of what he wants to say, but abruptly changes tactics. “Are you  _ sure _ you don’t want to stay? We’ve got plenty of empty rooms, you could have your wing if you really wanted it, probably, I mean some of the advisors might object but—” He pauses with a grimace, knowing he’s babbling and unable to stop it. “—they’re all old geezers and I’m the Fire Lord and it would be, well, nice. To have you here. I mean, to have a familiar face here. Not that, you know, I don’t like _ you _ , specifically, I—” He cuts himself off abruptly with an embarrassed cough. He shoves his hands into his pockets, desperately trying to appear casual and unaffected, and most likely failing miserably. Sokka is smiling at him as if he is completely oblivious to Zuko’s struggle, but after a few quiet moments he shakes his head. “It’s a nice offer, really Zuko, thanks— but this is something I have to do, you know?” He pauses, and Zuko nods. He does. He does know. It’s selfish of him to want Sokka to stay here. With him. 

Sokka’s smile turns soft, absent, his gaze focusing on something that Zuko can’t see. “I just want to see the world and all it’s people without having to worry about the future of the world, or being captured by an honor-driven prince.” The smile he turns on Zuko then, warm, gentle and mischievous, softens any blow that might have been dealt. Sokka’s eyes crinkle as his smile grows wider, and Zuko’s heart stutters in his chest. “Besides,” he says, nudging Zuko playfully, “I’m sure you have plenty of people to catch up to here, and that they’re all  _ dying _ to talk to you, the handsome young Fire Lord who helped save the world.” He finishes with a wink, and Zuko smiles slowly. “Well, that might be true. I guess I’d better say– goodbye.” He says the goodbye like a sigh, and Sokka’s gaze turns thoughtful. “I don’t know if I’d call it that. It’s more of a ‘see you later’ type of thing.” Zuko feels his chest lighten up impossibly at that. “Besides,” Sokka says sternly, wagging his finger at Zuko, eyes twinkling. “You’d better write me, or else!” Zuko blinks rapidly, flush visible even in the dim twilight. “O-of course,” he stutters, and Sokka smiles that bright, surprising smile of his. They stand a little while longer, reluctant to part.

 

Zuko is the one who breaks the silence at last. “Well,” he mumbles, “See you later.” Sokka nods, unsmiling, but there is a quiet contentment radiating from him. “See you later,” With that, he turns to leave, but before long, Zuko stops him. “Wait!” He calls out. Sokka stops, something in his eyes lighting up. Zuko’s tongue feels thick and heavy, his throat aches. He wants—he isn’t sure, really. Or, he is, but he can’t have what he wants, and it’s easier to pretend that he doesn’t  _ know _ what it is than to live with the wanting. The aching. He closes his eyes and briefly imagines what it would be like if he was braver, or lived in a different world—a better, brighter, kinder world, a world where he could say what he really wants: “Please, please don’t go. I want  _ you _ to stay with me; not Aang, not Katara, not Toph, not even Mai. Just you. I want you.” But he can’t, so he opens his eyes. “Good luck, Sokka.” The  _ stay safe _ hangs in the silence between them. Sokka’s expression flickers for barely a second, and then he smiles. “You too, Fire Lord.” Before Zuko can so much as nod Sokka turns and resumes walking away. Zuko watches him until he fades away in the distance, and sinks down onto the still sun warmed palace steps. 

 

He hears a shuffling, dragging noise behind him but he’s too numb, too exhausted, to look behind him, or even speak. Instead, he waits until they sit down beside him to glance out of the corner of his eye. It’s Mai, of course; he should have known. He wonders how long she was standing there, how much she saw. She doesn’t speak for almost an hour, and he’s glad she knows him so well. “So,” She finally sighs. “When were you going to tell me you were in love?” He almost grins. It’s just like Mai to be so practical and to the point, even about something like this. He sits a little longer, struggling to piece together his words. Mai doesn’t rush him. He’s clenching his fists in frustration when she catches one of them in hers and smooths over the dents in his palm created by his fingernails. He’s so overwhelmed by her quiet acceptance in this moment that he sags against her. Distantly, he can feel himself shaking. “Zuko,” She says sharply, cutting through the buzz in his ears. “Breathe,” She says pointedly. He lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, nodding in thanks. 

 

He gulps in several more shaky breaths before turning to her. “Sorry,” He says quietly. Mai says nothing, something he’s strangely grateful for. He feels that if she had said something along the lines of “Oh no, don’t worry about it, you’re perfectly fine” everything would have gotten a lot worse. He wonders if she knows that, and when he looks back at her, she seems to be mulling her own words over. “You know, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want.” She pauses, frowning. “But, Zuko, even if you don’t want to talk about it right now, I’m here. I’ll listen, if that’s what you want.” She looks so worried he wants to reach up and smooth out the fine line between her brows. He’s not really sure if he’s allowed to do that any more, but eventually makes up his mind to do it anyways. If it really makes her uncomfortable, she’ll definitely tell him. That’s one of the many good things about Mai. She just smiles at him, a funny, sad expression, and somehow he thinks she’s more sad for him than herself. He wouldn’t blame her if she was sad, or mad even. He’s kind of leaving her. He sighs. “Thanks Mai,” He says quietly. She starts to shake her head, but he barrels on. “No, really, thank you. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but…” He sighs again. He seems to be doing that a lot lately. “I love him. I—” His voice catches in his throat as the truth hits him full force. He blinks furiously.  _ “Stupid,” _ He snarls, and he feels Mai jerk away from him. He looks up at her wide, scared eyes and his heart drops. “Sorry. Sorry, Mai, I’m so—” 

 

“ _ Zuko _ ,” She interrupts, her sharp voice cutting through his panic once again. They lock eyes as he breathes in and out, and her calm, steady gaze helps him center himself. He nods at her when he’s ok, and she glances away. They sit in silence. He wants to say something, anything. No—it’s more than that, he wants to say: “I love him and I can never tell him because I think I am a monster and I have caused him nothing but pain and why would he want me after that?” He doesn’t say it of course, but some of it must shown on his face because hers crumples, and it is the worst thing in the world. “Zuko,” She says quietly, “You have to stop treating yourself like this.”  The words are like a blow, but a needed one, and Zuko feels something within him begin to crumble. Mai takes his hand again, grip harsh and nearly painful. “Promise me,” She says fiercely, eyes flashing. “Promise me you’ll do something about all of this.” Zuko swallows, smiling weakly. “Ok,” He says, and the quiet smile she graces him with warms him. There's something hopeful about it, and he can’t help but feel hopeful too.

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably... extremely ooc, oops. i started writing this before i decided to rewatch atla, so yeah. i also don't really like the end, but i started writing this a while ago and couldn't remember how the first chapter was supposed to end.


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